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Archive for March, 2008

Thought For Food

Posted by farkandfunk on March 7, 2008

I’ll try to make this a regular weekly/fortnightly column, a slightly serious one. Every now and then , all of us have this moment of inspiration, this idea that comes out of nowhere. We have this sudden social responsibility, the need to feel like the hero from Shankar movies. This could happen at any moment – a walk in the park, a ride in the auto, sitting on the pot etc.

Well , I heard once that behind a bunch of very screwed up ideas lies the beginning of the great one (now don’t go extrapolating it to men-women you twisted folks). So let it begin. I’m going to share a few thoughts and keep it open ended. I’d love to hear your comments, modifications , improvements on them. Do spread the kind word and lets try to get as many new perspectives as we can! Of course they might sound insanely crazy , but what the heck! In future we might see variations on the same, and if that’s the case, I’d like to be the first to trademark it right here. Y’all are the proof. Just don’t shoot me if this has already been done.

This edition deals with the the basic needs of mobility and transportation in an increasingly crowded and chaotic place.

1. Buildings as part of road networks.

This one’s a wild one. Imagine if we were to design this big satellite town. What if all the major buildings, malls, apartments etc effectively start from 2-3 floors up , with a huge gap that is the ground floor? The ground floor are part of our road network all over the place. Vehicles can take turns THROUGH buildings!!!! Friggin weird isn’t it?? The 3rd floor of the buildings onwards – there are multi level car parks, generator area, air conditioning area, and what not- what we typically have on the basement level now. Thus, the ground level of the building would have nothing but support structures, and an area for ramps, lifts for pedestrians etc, the rest of the base would just have the continuation of the roads. This would help network our roads better, free turns , free flowing traffic. From the road, there will be 1 ramp to the 2nd floor of the building for cars that need parking in the building, and cars coming out. Sort of like this (a very very quick paintshop work,so dont blame me :

Future Buildings in my satellite town
2.I was thinking that a BMP or other such municipalities can implement something like this to encourage walk-to-work or use less cars policy.

a. Neighbourhood-Work-Areas

Create small office spaces or areas in collaboration with a slew of companies, and encourage the employees living in that area to use this office space. Networking, access, security will be a challenge but still its a thought. If you notice – there are lots of places where you can go pay your water bills, electricity bills at one point. That is what i had in mind. What if the government actively participates in designing the corporate working environment as part of the whole ecosystem? That’s what I’m driving it.

b. Incentives for good Samaritans :

Create a process to incentivize walk-to-work or public-transport-use for corporate folks. Maybe something like amounting to tax reduction. The checks could be like bus-pass swipe cards on a daily basis , and other such simple documentation

c. Innovate services offered by the public transport.
I’m sure many of you guys know that the Bangalore volvos are actually quite decent, and that you can sms to a number and find out where the position of the next bus is. For all those who don’t know how to use it , click here.

That’s a “pull”based system. How about a “push” based system. Go to the organizations, and the interested employees are automatically registered for an SMS update system which will send you an SMS on the bus that YOU ARE interested in , in your route on a daily basis.

Other options – provide wireless connectivity in their buses! 🙂 And how about some live cricket etc on that beautiful flat screen.

Bring it on.

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Thursday Conversations

Posted by farkandfunk on March 5, 2008

( Rated “R” for language. Note to all those who read- nothing personal and this is not intended to be true! )

A conversation between Ponting, Hayden and the irrepressible Geoffrey Boycott.

ponting2.jpgHey mai’te , how’z it goin today?

gb2.jpgDON’T “MAI’TE” ME YOUNG MAN. YOU BETTER HAVE SOMEONE ELSE FOR THAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

ponting2.jpg o.k. I’ve got Mathew Hayden here along with me. You know Matt – my fellow Aussie.

gb2.jpgASSWHO? YEAH I DO. A MONSTER OF A MAN. A BEAST. AN ANIMAL

ponting2.jpg He is , isn’t he.

gb2.jpgHE PROBABLY IS A NEANDERTHAL. HE LOOKS LIKE KING KONG ON STEROIDS.

ponting2.jpg Now hold on just a second Sir! You’re crossing the-

gb2.jpg THE WHAT? WHAT HO? YOU’RE GOING TO CRY FOUL NOW ON ME? STOP ACTING LIKE A SISSY LAD. DON’T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A BUNCH AND GIVE YOURSELF A WEDGIE.

ponting2.jpg *tsk*

gb2.jpg YOU WEAR PANTIES?

ponting2.jpg What? No!

gb2.jpg OK. SO WHERE’S HE?

hayden4.jpg *hmph*

gb2.jpg *farts*

hayden4.jpg:

gb2.jpg :

hayden4.jpg: Hey punter. Hey there “mai’te”

gb2.jpg DON’T “MAI’TE” ME YOUNG MAN. YOU AND YOUR PUNTER CAN MATE EACH OTHER IF YOU’RE SO KEEN ON HAVING A ROMP. GOOD LORD YOU’RE A PIECE OF WORK MAN. IS THAT A REAL FACE OR A CARICATURE? YOU LOOK LIKE SOMETHING THAT ARJUNA RANATUNGA ATE AND SPIT OUT OF HIS GUTS.

hayden4.jpg what th-?

gb2.jpg SO WHAT’S UP “GAYDEN”. HYUK HYUK. THATS FUNNY.

ponting2.jpg *giggles*

gb2.jpg WHAT’S THE MATTER LAD? YOU DON’T THINK THATS FUNNY?

hayden4.jpg That’s insulting.

gb2.jpg IT’S FUNNIER THAN YOUR FACE. IT’S DEFINITELY NOT AS FUNNY AS PONTING’S BATTING AVERAGE AGAINST INDIA IN THE LAST SERIES.

ponting2.jpgNow wait a minute! I got that huge century in the league game against them.

gb2.jpgYEAH I GOT A CENTURY IN THE BODYLINE SERIES BEFORE WORLD WAR 2. STOP BRINGING THE PAST UP LADS. YOU GUYS WHINED MORE THAN AMISHA PATEL IN THE FINALS.

hayden4.jpg Well yeah. But look at our consis-

gb2.jpg CONSISTENCY CAN KISS MY HAIRY WHITE YORKSHIRE-BRED BUTTOCKS. GO HAVE A LOOK AT GABBA. I THINK YOU’LL STILL FIND M.S DHONI’S PISS ON THE FIELD, MARKING IT AS HIS TERRITORY.

ponting2.jpg That’s just not right!

gb2.jpg I ONCE TOOK A SHIT ON THE GABBA. IN THE 70S UNDER THE LIGHTS. BEST DUMP I EVER HAD.

hayden4.jpg Ouch… easy there ma’ite….

gb2.jpg STOP “MATING ME”.

hayden4.jpg Ok ok.. So what do you think of Symmo?

gb2.jpg THE WHAT.

hayden4.jpg You know, Andrew Symonds.

gb2.jpgOH HE’S GREAT. YOU AND “SYMMO” CAN COPULATE WITH EACH OTHER.

hayden4.jpg What the-?

gb2.jpg HYUK HYUK. I’M FUNNY.

ponting2.jpg*giggles*

gb2.jpg SYMONDS WAS TOO BUSY TRYING TO EITHER FEEL UP CRICKET AUSTRALIA’S BOARD MEMBERS OR A MALE STREAKER ON THE PITCH.

hayden4.jpg well, all the controversy put him under intense pressure –

gb2.jpgI WISH I HAD INTENSE PRESSURE THESE DAYS. IT WOULD DO WONDERS TO MY BOWEL MOVEMENTS.

hayden4.jpg You, sir, are disgusting. Didn’t you once score a double century in a test but get dropped for slow run rate?

gb2.jpg IT WAS AGAINST INDIA. HELL YEA I WAS SLOW AND STEADY. IMPENETRABLE DEFENSE. EVEN WARNIE THE NYMPHOMANIAC WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO PENETRATE IT WITH HIS BAT OR OTHERWISE.

ponting2.jpg*giggles*

gb2.jpg HYUK. THAT WAS FUNNY. SO HOW DID YOUR BOXING MATCH GO? DID HARBHAJAN KNOCK YOUR TESTICLES OUT YET?

hayden4.jpg It was against Ishant Sharma. That tall lad.

gb2.jpg HE LOOKS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN JASON GILLESPE AND ZAYED KHAN. YOU KNOW BOLLYWOOD?HELL I’D LIKE SOME “BOOTY” FROM THERE.

hayden4.jpg I whooped his arse.

gb2.jpg YOU COULDN’T WHOOP HIS POSTERIORS EVEN IF HE HAD HIS WHOLE ANOTOMY CHANGED AND CONSISTED OF ONLY A WALKING , TALKING PAIR OF BUTTOCKS. YOU’RE A LIAR AND A WORTHLESS PIECE OF CRAP. AND YOU SMELL LIKE A WET FUNGAL SOCK.

hayden4.jpg You’re terrible! I’m out of here!

ponting2.jpg Me too! I’m depressed and out of form.
gb2.jpg NO. YOU’RE GAY, AND YOU JUST SUCK . AND I’M A FRIGGIN YORKSHIREMAN , LADS!

 

Posted in Thursday Convo | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »