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Posts Tagged ‘machos’

Gym Rats and their Ecosystem

Posted by farkandfunk on October 2, 2007

Type Scientific Name Characteristics
Hot chick Rattus superhotietus The R. Superhotietus is equivalent of the queen bee of this ecosystem, dictating its requirements. Its activities are tracked as follows: 10 minutes of chatting up with regulators (gym instructors). 10 minutes of treadmill (5 minutes TV channel change + 5 minutes stroll). 10 minutes of interaction with type mooseumus , during when the decibel levels increase. 15 minutes of cycling , most of which is spent on the telecommunication device with other superhotietus in other ecosystems talking about the mooseumus . Mating Habits: desired by every other species, the superhotietus is in an envious position to pick and choose. But with excessive time spent on the telecommunication device, it is believed that the superhotietus already has a companion and is actually sending mating calls across.
Macho man Rattus Mooseumus A clannish creature, the mooseumus spends the 15 minutes of hi-fiving and stroking the egos of other mooseumus. Being similar in body type, IQ and appearance, it is easy to mistake one mooseumus with another, but each is thus characterized by their own unique marks or tattoos. It spends the next 1.5 hours lifting heavy objects, when it makes a lot of noise. Mooseumus are like velociraptors in this regard, it generally hunts/works out in pairs. Mating Habits: It is possible that the mooseumus might actually be self-sexual, as evidenced by the fact that they spend 30 minutes this time intermittently admiring itself. The mooseumus otherwise shows signs of attraction to the superhotietus. Unfortunately, it is often negated because of the tremendous competition of the mooseumus from within, and it wanders to other habitats to find the same kind.
Rich mid 40s man Rattus Iamsuperfrigginrichis The Iamsuperfrigginrichis (referred to as ISFR from here on) species are a master of camouflage. It makes its way into the ecosystem in formal wear, and magically changes into superhuman clothing immediately. It spends 10 minutes wearing add-ons like wrist bands, head bands and head phones. ISFR spends the next 15 minutes bathing in perfumes from Arabia – thus the smell that emanates from it engulfs the whole ecosystem. ISFR work on each activity for 20 minutes minimum. They are the loudest and they also sweat the most during hard labour amongst all species, often soaking and flooding the equipment they work on. Mating Habits: It is postulated that the ISFR is actually “above” practices such as mating.
Corporate nerd Rattus Nerdophile The Nerdophile is the one of the species that may not belong to this ecosystem. Their ultimate aim is to mutate into one of the superior species in every aspect of life. They’d like the ecosystemic position of the ISFR, the appearance of the mooseumus, and mate with the superhotietus. Sadly, each one of their dreams fall flat on their bespectacled faces. It is a loner, isolated species, more by force than by choice. It spends a total of 1 hour in the gym, of which atleast 20 -30 minutes are spent on watching superhotietus work on its activities. Nerdophiles can be easily identified – characterized by a 2-6 tyer paunch and unsually matched clothing. Mating Habits: The nerdophile isn’t very successful, but it cannot be blamed for not trying. Ultimately, it relies on itself more than anyone else.
40+ housewife Rattus Desperatehousewifus Desperatehousewifus are characterized in appearance by either long Indian ethnic wear with canvas shoes, or skin tight clothing, either way highlighting their overgrown posteriors. DHW have a weakness for bling, and are often spotted with gold around their necks and fingers. DHW spend 50 minutes of their time cycling and running in order to work on their posteriors, but their eating habits might prevent any such progress. They also have a relaxed speed of working, often annoying other faster species who wait for a chance. DHW spend the next 10 minutes on stretching exercises, which often worries the other species and regulators alike. Mating Habits: unknown. It though sends across weak signals towards the mooseumus and regulators. It cautiously step aside the weak advances of the nerdophile.
Kids Rattus EarlyPubertis Earlypubertis is believed to be a primate form of mooseumus or the superhotietus, but with increased IQ. It is often seen to have overgrown body growth, making it look rather grotesque.
Retired Rattus Getalifeus The R. Getalifeus makes rare entries into the habitat, often seeing parallel processing on the cardio-vascular exercises, cycling and reading a novel. It is the most intellectual of the rattus species.
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