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Posts Tagged ‘IPL’

Kohli -Gambhir : Maguired!

Posted by farkandfunk on April 12, 2013

I’m quite sure that many of us witnessed the pay-per-spew prime-time showdown between Gambhir and Kohli from the game last evening. Here’s a quick recap:

1. Kohli bitchslaps a few bowlers around

2. Kohli tries to whack  Lakshmipathy “El  Extremely Medium Fasto” Balaji out of the park but ends up holing out.

3. On his stroll back to the pavilion, he gets intercepted by Gambhir , who starts MC-BCing Kohli at 526 pottyshots per second.

4. Affectionately known as Dr.Filth-a-lot himself, Kohli gets down and dirty with Gauti , almost leading to a physical confrontation between the 2.

5. Just when everyone reaches for their popcorn and begins chanting “Cat fight, cat fight!”,  in comes unlikely villian in the form of Rajat Bhatia, who expertly slides between the 2  and separates the cheek-to-cheek confrontation  like a well executed wedgie.

Here’s a visual recap:

Kohli vs Gambhir

Kohli vs Gambhir

But what people didn’t know about is the kiss-and-make-up part of the story. After all, they both are bros from the 011 (Delhi foo!)  , and they have bromanced pretty strongly in the past, including sharing MoMs and diapers.

FarkandFunk  was allowed access to the KKR dressing room for post-match interviews. While interviewing Kallis on the current size of his man-boobs,  F&F witnessed this emotional scene (get your tissue boxes ready kids, it’s about to flow ):

 

Arrey Ma***c*d….Hello? Hello.

 

KKR

 

WTF

 

 

I’m lookin’ for my Gauti.

 

Bhatia Final

………

 

 

Gambhir

 

Maaadh…..

 

 

Wait. Okay…okay…okay.If this is where it has to happen, then this is where it has to happen.

 

 

I’m not letting you MC-BC me. How about that?

 

Balaji

 

Scratch scratch. What is MC-BC?

 

 

This used to be my specialty. You know, I was good in a dressing room. They’d send me in there, and I’d do it alone. And now I just…But tonight, our little team, our RCB — a very, very big night.

 

Vijay and Chris

Jampak Jampak

 

 

 

But it wasn’t complete, wasn’t nearly close to being in the same vicinity as complete, because I couldn’t share it with you.  I couldn’t hear your voice or bitch about it with you.  I miss my — I miss my Gauti. We live in a harami  world, a harmi world, and we work in a business of tough competitors.

 

 

I second that mate. Even Bhajji and I have been making out after my catch the other day. Did you see that catch mate? I’m so bloody good ma..

 

 

STFU Ponting!  Anyway, Gauti…you — complete me. And I just had —

 

 

Gambhir

Shut up. Just shut up.

 

 

Huh??

 

 

Gambhir

 

You had me at  “Array Ma***c**d”.You had me at  “Array Ma***c**d”.

 

 

Yeh….Dosti….

Posted in Sports | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Shady’s Back:

Posted by farkandfunk on July 6, 2009

It’s been quite a long hiatus -thanks to travel, sickness, travel sickness, and a bunch of family occasions thrown in. In the meantime, these are the things that happened:

1. India promptly crashes out of the T20 World cup 2009 (mind you, then next T20 world cup is 10 months away!!).

2. Pakistan  gets the cup (Sri Lanka’s time will come), and in the process , Shahid Afridi attains puberty (uh…well..).

3. India then goes off to tour the WI, which Late accurately describes as an inconsequential match-up.

4. Real Madrid robs their fans accounts (and possibly even yours) to acquire a Euro-Brazilian clone (Kaka) and Bipasha Basu’s one-night stand (Ronaldo). Talks of them acquiring Ribery, and also taking over the inter-stellar galaxy is also on.

5. In the green grass of Wimbeldon , 2 sisters have their routine annual cat fight beating each other up before the younger one goes one better. Simultaneously, Roger Federer creates history in the present, but if you’re like me, your heart might have gone out to the brooding Roddick- now 2-19 vs Fedex , and he must be wondering if he has a better chance making it big as a 20-20 cricketer than emerging victorious against the Swiss freight train of talent.

3 Action packed weeks , and a lot to catch up on!! Now sit back while I do the unthinkable:  take you , the unsuspecting reader , into a time warp, back to the T20 world cup to re-live the nightmare. Albeit delayed, here are my ratings out of 10 for the Indian squad:

Sehwag :0 Being one of the 2/3 Indian batsmen who truly appears as “gabbar singh” in the nightmares of the opposition bowlers, hiding his injury was NOT a smart thing to do. As with all things connected to Indian cricket, we’ll probably never know the whole truth, but this was definitely a distraction and baggage the team could have done without. I felt the need to rate him because with careful planning, it could have been a little better.

Gambhir : 4 One of the most improved players (statistically) in the last couple of years for India, much was expected out of “Gauti”,especially with Sehwag missing from the top of the order. But he failed to deliver , ending with an average of about 30 for the series, and more importantly, didn’t get going in the crucial super-8 games. As an aside, is it just me or is Gambhir almost anonymous in the field?! I’ve even heard Javagal Srinath or Sidhu called on the field more often than him!! He definitely has a knack of NOT finding the ball on the field 🙂

Rohit Sharma : 3 After a wonderful tournament in the IPL, and a good couple of warm-up games, Rohit failed like most of his other teammates when it matters most. The talent is there without a doubt, but the atrociously bad shot selection and seeming lack of willingness to struggle through and stay is what bothers me a lot about him.

Suresh Raina: 1 One of the best young players of the IPL tournament and a then-definite lock for the No.3 spot, his presence in the batting order seemed to come as an after-thought for his captain. The move to number 3 for the last 2 games came too late, and Raina didn’t live up to the billing, miserably being exposed against the shorter rib-cage deliveries. A long way to go. He seems like a confidence and momentum player, if it breaks at some point of time, no matter what he tries, it always seems to be a wrong move. Makes me feel even worse for having a man-crush on him, but I still have hopes.

R. Jadeja : 4 Asking the youngest player to win a do-or-die game on his own was not the smartest of ideas, but he definitely tried. The 4 is more for his bowling and his general efforts.

Yousaf P: 5 Never had too much of a chance to express himself correctly, but kept India in the last game. If the strike had been rotated, one never knew what this dangerous man could have done, but again, if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

Irfan P: 3 Didn’t give India the right break-through when needed. RP Singh: 4 Didn’t carry his IPL form or the purple cap to the T20 world cup, was dropped for a game or 2 and then brought on again. Wasn’t used correctly, and definitely needs to buck up on his death-over bowling.

Harbhajan: 3 There’s no questioning this man’s heart (like he proclaims). He got India some good runs, upping the rate at crucial times, and did get some wickets. But after so many years in the team, Bhajji still isn’t able to don the mantle of the premiere bowler (like kumble has done quite often), and close out a couple of games. Inexplicably decides to become a spin version of Waqar Younis during the final stages, but pathetically bowls full delivers on the leg side- giving away the most crucial runs.

Ohja: 6 Bowled very well when given a chance, and then dropped without much rhyme or reason.

Ishant Sharma :  2 In the IPL, despite SRK’s antics, KKR’s team woes, and the curse of the Fake IPL Player, it was quite obvious that Zayed Khan Ishant Sharma needed some rest.  However, he was chosen for the World cup, and appeared in the warm up games and did well to warrant a start in the XI. Unfortunately, he had again spent it all by then, and looked a sorrowful version of himself . The effort was there, but the body just wasn’t.

Yuvraj Singh: 7 The one man who could actually stand tall amid all the embarassment. Talent is what talent does, and no matter what his character , he proved yet again that he has what it takes to win a game. Has improved leaps and bounds when starting his innings against spinners (used to be a weakness before), has all the shots and more.

MSD: 1 I am not quite sure why I gave him a 1. He got the team composition all wrong at many stages. Dropping of Ohja, not giving Raina , Y.Pathan etc games to get their eye in, promoting either himself up the order or Jadeja in the crucial game, not promoting himself up the order when the situation demanded, persistence with a jaded Ishant Sharma, “team walk-in ” to the media room, the list goes on and on. His inability to even attempt to clear the boundary in the last game was what really ticked me off the most.

What’s your take?

Posted in Sports | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

June 1: a historic day for all of humankind

Posted by farkandfunk on June 4, 2009

If anyone’s been watching any form of Indian cricket (specifically T20 and domestic), it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to know that L. Balaji (he of the “Ba-la-ji” fame) is no more the potent, deadly, man-eating force he once was.

It’s not his fault really. He was on quite a high, working his way up the regional and national rung with a string of steady, if not spectacular, performances, culminating in to orgasmic levels in the tour of Pakistan in 2004.   An untimely injury in 2005 meant that he was out of contention for a while , and briefly disappeared into oblivion.

Just when we thought we saw the last of him, Balaji was back, though not with a bang. Gone was the free-spirited hippie-tam  ever-smiling soul from the 60s, gone was the run up , and speed.   Balaji would now start off by running at a spot for a few seconds , not quite dissimilar to a steam engine trying to stimulate itself.  The speed and penetration was quite domestic (no pun intended here), and with bowling coach Venky P in the CSK squad (2nd-best -leg- spinner in India in his days), the  deadly “very slower short delivery” came as a welcome variation to his regular  slow short delivery in his vast repertoire .

Keeping all this, and his performances in the 2 IPL seasons gone by , where more often than not, the batsmen would gleefully lap up his offerings like blood sucking mosquitoes,  one would think that it might be tough for Balaji to bowl even relatively quick and full.  If one were to quantify it , it would look like this:

You've gotta be kidding me

You've gotta be kidding me

Seems about right, right in between aliens landing here and Johnny Lever copulating.

And then, on June 1st , this happens:

Shit just happened.

Shit just happened.

and his thoughts:

John A - Touched by an angel

John A - Touched by an angel

Impressed by the shots that he’s playing…  ’nuff said.

I don’t know what to think anymore.

Posted in Magestic Movies, Sports | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Jacob Oram reveals his true colours

Posted by farkandfunk on June 2, 2009

When Jacob Oram was drafted in the Chennai Super Kings squad, there was a lot of hope and anticipation from its legion of fans. One hoped that they’d see some destructive hitting when he would bat, and some tight stump to stump bowling at the death for CSK, choking and clogging the opposition worse than the public loos in a local train station .  Dhoni, who seems to have a weakness for all-rounders of the Ajit Agarkar caliber (how else can one explain the inclusion Joke-inder Sharma in so many matches that even he,  if given the option, would  bench his own arse), promptly persisted with Oram in almost all the matches this season. Oram would then proceed to promptly appear in the chennai yellows as consistently as a paan stain on the walls of a government building, a fungus on moist brittania bred, a rash due to a tight tantex underwear… well, you get hte picture.

We all know how Oram did this season of the IPL.

Webster Definition

Webster Definition

In IPL 2.0 (since its SOOO cool), here are his figures:

M    I    NO    Runs    Avg    SR
11    8    2    88    14.66    94.62

Bowling
M    I    Runs    W    Avg    Eco    SR
11    8    133    5    26.60    8.58    18.60

All rounder. Right.

For someone with a strike rate of below 100 in this format, an economy rate in bowling that looks like batting average (never a good thing for an all rounder no matter how you look at it), an experienced bowler who had  “Smack-me-coz-I’m-AKON’s-Biatch” tattooed on his forehead every time he came on to bowl at the death, he didn’t exactly have an argument in justifying his selection in the team.

Yesterday, India plays NZ in a warm-up game, and surprise surprise, Jo is included in his team. As team India cruises along, JO is brought in to the proceedings. A casual observer and follower of the game in the last few months would think that, oh alright, I guess the teams want this to get over fast, so that they can all go back to their rooms, get some food,  make long-distance calls to their families (or1-800-LoNELY in the case Warnie) /or simply do whatever it is  they do when they are alone in the rooms…

What we witness next is a 3-0-18-1 performance by Oram, taking the wicket of his clubmate Raina , and punking his other clubmate and captain Dhoni in the process. More disturbing would have been the fact that he bowled 2 relatively tight overs at the death, making Dhoni and the CSK think-tank scratch their respective heads and groins in no particular order in shock of what could have been when they sorely needed such control during their IPL adventure.

For Team India, it’s probably a little too early to panic. It was a warm-up game, and a loss here is better than a loss in the real thing. It also must have provided a few insights, such as:
1. the team composition didn’t exactly light the world on fire
2. Ishant sharma can do some damage in those conditions
3. Jadeja is pretty good -but he isnt there yet  – seems to lose his mojo when the going gets tough
4. Take nothing for granted (read: oram)
5. Rohit and Raina are the best bet for consistency – hope they continue on that vein
6. You can suck/not participate in IPL and still do well in the world cup
7. It’s good not to have hear/see/smell Modi

All said and done, the team will probably look like this:
Viru, Gautham, Raina, Yuvraj, Rohit, Dhoni, Y.Pathan, I.Pathan, Bhajji,RP, Ishant  (if Zaheer is fit , he probably replaces Ishant).

But the final word goes to Oram and his likes- thank you for raising the warning bell!

Black Caps ku whistle podu!

Black Caps ku whistle podu!

Posted in Thought For Food, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Exerpts from The Real Karadi Tales

Posted by farkandfunk on June 1, 2009

*Notes from our beloved TR’s personal diary – soon to be released into an autobiography titled ” Aatobiaagrapi  : Indha Karadiya  Paarudi (paathya yen Parody?Saaapudaii)

Naal :01/05/____

Saaru khan ku oru peshal tea

Dei Sattaiya podu da , akka tangachinga paarkaranga

Dai diary,

Machi saa ruku , inaa da kaatarai looku,
6 packu valathai naa innaa da periya kumbu,
Naa valathaen  paaru-  oru singa kutti  simbu.

Dilu vale dulugiyaan le jaayaenge oda Raj,

OSO le iqbal kooptaane vonne  Ommi ,
dei naa adipaen da onnaku gummi,
yenna naa dhaan da veeraachaamy

Inge poraadhu ne girikettu vaerai, anga enne da kizhuche,
ellam tothutu nikkariye , naa podaraen da pichai,
on munji naa yen peecha kaiyea vachen!

Gumtalakada gumma.

Cheena Tea , Japaaan Tea

Cheena Tea , Japaaan Tea

Singam is King

Singam is King

Posted in Karadi Tales | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »