Farkandfunk’s Weblog

Music, Sports, Current Affairs, Humor, and all that shit

Bang? Thud? Whimper!….And they’re gone …

Posted by farkandfunk on July 30, 2008

Big Effing Mistake- that matters too little.

I’m talking about the awesome threesome. The mainstay of Indian Batting.  The Wall, 6+4Ulkar, Ganghooligan.  It did not have to end like this. Shit, I didn’t want it to end like this. I wanted a royal friggin farewell. The razmatazz, the lights, the works , the shit.  But this is a friggin whimper!

Was it the T-20? All I can think of is- like it or hate it- you cannot ignore it.  I can think of every single soul hooked on to it like it was the friggin plague, watching a daredevils vs Rajasthan Royals match or something, the viewership only equalling those legendary days of the sunday doordarshan screening of Ramayana or Mahabharatha or something.

Nevermind that the Bangalore RC aka royally challenged – sucked more than a state-of-the-art whirlpool vacuum cleaner. Nevermind that we were subjected to the  overexposed and heavily Wrinkled Shah Rukh Khan and his band of bollywood freaks ( included some hot women and some very distubing close ups of karan johar and Arjun Rampal that made me wanna puke my intestines out) like the footage was our only hope of survival.  The fact remains that the T-20 has probably sealed the nail for 50 overs, and perhaps even viewership in test cricket.

I’m fairly positive that Test cricket and T-20 will be the 2 forms that co-exist (along with any other mutant version that Modi and the likes can molest the game out of ). It was the one day series in pakistan, followed by the current test series in Sri Lanka that really showed the effect that T-20 has had on the game.

Alright, lets lay down the cards now. Let’s come clean. Not too many of us can watch the longer version of the game. To me, its quite obvious. Sure, test cricket is the purest form, and the tactical and strategic implications during a game are enormous. But , its just too effing LONG!!! Come on now!!! 5 days???!?! 5 Friggin days?!?!??!   That’s a real horseload of time we got there don’t we?! Man that’s a long time. Even 50 overs an innings one day game seems like we’re asking a snail to break into a moon-walk you know?

And what’s with this whole coach/Manager BS?  I’m really beginning to second guess the amount of expertise that goes around into planning in this game. We had no coach and we did ok against the kangaroos and the rest. Now, we’ve got one and we suddenly SUCK?!?! What gives?   I mean,  I know Murali is a legend and Mendis is a freak, but come on!!!  An Innings defeat!

Which brings me back to the original topic at hand. I can really see the end for the trip.  3 illustrious careers. Think about it. Wasnt our collective hearts pounding every single time Sachin walked in to bat in the 90s? The world cup in 96 , 2001 in South Africa. Sachin was the friggin MAN. You knew he might fail in the big one, but you won’t stop believing in the little guy.

Think about the Wall. The quintessential gentleman. The only guy in our line up who still maintains a higher average outside India than at home. The only guy who was our hope to standing up to the most testing of bowling conditions. The rest of our batting line-up would crumble , get out like we had the diarohhea, but this dude would stick around till the very end. He’d play the bridesmaid role in every big victory, never getting his due credit. But yet was the hero for the few of us who just loved the underdog.

And of course ganguly. The dude’s a badAss with a CAPITAL A. You couldn’t deny it. After the troublesome episodes of the late 90s (betting and all that BS), he was the one guy who really took indian cricket by the collar and dragged it into the next century.  We might hate him for being a little biased against the older guys (like dravid, tendulkar, kumble), but you can’t deny the fact that he was one stand-up dude. He spoke his heart out, and never gave excuses. I cannot forget some of the innings he played from the front – the century in the 01 aussie tour, the 317 chase against pakistan.  He was an in-your-face mo-fo.

And yet, its going to be a fade away for these guys. This could be the last leg of test matches. Or maybe it isn’t. But not too many are watching. You just hear stories about the guys playing test matches now, but everyone’s only going to watch if it’s a t-20 game. It’s like that now.  The finish line is there, unfortunately- the crowd’s gone home 😦

Posted in Sports | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Thought For Food

Posted by farkandfunk on March 7, 2008

I’ll try to make this a regular weekly/fortnightly column, a slightly serious one. Every now and then , all of us have this moment of inspiration, this idea that comes out of nowhere. We have this sudden social responsibility, the need to feel like the hero from Shankar movies. This could happen at any moment – a walk in the park, a ride in the auto, sitting on the pot etc.

Well , I heard once that behind a bunch of very screwed up ideas lies the beginning of the great one (now don’t go extrapolating it to men-women you twisted folks). So let it begin. I’m going to share a few thoughts and keep it open ended. I’d love to hear your comments, modifications , improvements on them. Do spread the kind word and lets try to get as many new perspectives as we can! Of course they might sound insanely crazy , but what the heck! In future we might see variations on the same, and if that’s the case, I’d like to be the first to trademark it right here. Y’all are the proof. Just don’t shoot me if this has already been done.

This edition deals with the the basic needs of mobility and transportation in an increasingly crowded and chaotic place.

1. Buildings as part of road networks.

This one’s a wild one. Imagine if we were to design this big satellite town. What if all the major buildings, malls, apartments etc effectively start from 2-3 floors up , with a huge gap that is the ground floor? The ground floor are part of our road network all over the place. Vehicles can take turns THROUGH buildings!!!! Friggin weird isn’t it?? The 3rd floor of the buildings onwards – there are multi level car parks, generator area, air conditioning area, and what not- what we typically have on the basement level now. Thus, the ground level of the building would have nothing but support structures, and an area for ramps, lifts for pedestrians etc, the rest of the base would just have the continuation of the roads. This would help network our roads better, free turns , free flowing traffic. From the road, there will be 1 ramp to the 2nd floor of the building for cars that need parking in the building, and cars coming out. Sort of like this (a very very quick paintshop work,so dont blame me :

Future Buildings in my satellite town
2.I was thinking that a BMP or other such municipalities can implement something like this to encourage walk-to-work or use less cars policy.

a. Neighbourhood-Work-Areas

Create small office spaces or areas in collaboration with a slew of companies, and encourage the employees living in that area to use this office space. Networking, access, security will be a challenge but still its a thought. If you notice – there are lots of places where you can go pay your water bills, electricity bills at one point. That is what i had in mind. What if the government actively participates in designing the corporate working environment as part of the whole ecosystem? That’s what I’m driving it.

b. Incentives for good Samaritans :

Create a process to incentivize walk-to-work or public-transport-use for corporate folks. Maybe something like amounting to tax reduction. The checks could be like bus-pass swipe cards on a daily basis , and other such simple documentation

c. Innovate services offered by the public transport.
I’m sure many of you guys know that the Bangalore volvos are actually quite decent, and that you can sms to a number and find out where the position of the next bus is. For all those who don’t know how to use it , click here.

That’s a “pull”based system. How about a “push” based system. Go to the organizations, and the interested employees are automatically registered for an SMS update system which will send you an SMS on the bus that YOU ARE interested in , in your route on a daily basis.

Other options – provide wireless connectivity in their buses! 🙂 And how about some live cricket etc on that beautiful flat screen.

Bring it on.

Posted in Thought For Food | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Thursday Conversations

Posted by farkandfunk on March 5, 2008

( Rated “R” for language. Note to all those who read- nothing personal and this is not intended to be true! )

A conversation between Ponting, Hayden and the irrepressible Geoffrey Boycott.

ponting2.jpgHey mai’te , how’z it goin today?

gb2.jpgDON’T “MAI’TE” ME YOUNG MAN. YOU BETTER HAVE SOMEONE ELSE FOR THAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

ponting2.jpg o.k. I’ve got Mathew Hayden here along with me. You know Matt – my fellow Aussie.

gb2.jpgASSWHO? YEAH I DO. A MONSTER OF A MAN. A BEAST. AN ANIMAL

ponting2.jpg He is , isn’t he.

gb2.jpgHE PROBABLY IS A NEANDERTHAL. HE LOOKS LIKE KING KONG ON STEROIDS.

ponting2.jpg Now hold on just a second Sir! You’re crossing the-

gb2.jpg THE WHAT? WHAT HO? YOU’RE GOING TO CRY FOUL NOW ON ME? STOP ACTING LIKE A SISSY LAD. DON’T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A BUNCH AND GIVE YOURSELF A WEDGIE.

ponting2.jpg *tsk*

gb2.jpg YOU WEAR PANTIES?

ponting2.jpg What? No!

gb2.jpg OK. SO WHERE’S HE?

hayden4.jpg *hmph*

gb2.jpg *farts*

hayden4.jpg:

gb2.jpg :

hayden4.jpg: Hey punter. Hey there “mai’te”

gb2.jpg DON’T “MAI’TE” ME YOUNG MAN. YOU AND YOUR PUNTER CAN MATE EACH OTHER IF YOU’RE SO KEEN ON HAVING A ROMP. GOOD LORD YOU’RE A PIECE OF WORK MAN. IS THAT A REAL FACE OR A CARICATURE? YOU LOOK LIKE SOMETHING THAT ARJUNA RANATUNGA ATE AND SPIT OUT OF HIS GUTS.

hayden4.jpg what th-?

gb2.jpg SO WHAT’S UP “GAYDEN”. HYUK HYUK. THATS FUNNY.

ponting2.jpg *giggles*

gb2.jpg WHAT’S THE MATTER LAD? YOU DON’T THINK THATS FUNNY?

hayden4.jpg That’s insulting.

gb2.jpg IT’S FUNNIER THAN YOUR FACE. IT’S DEFINITELY NOT AS FUNNY AS PONTING’S BATTING AVERAGE AGAINST INDIA IN THE LAST SERIES.

ponting2.jpgNow wait a minute! I got that huge century in the league game against them.

gb2.jpgYEAH I GOT A CENTURY IN THE BODYLINE SERIES BEFORE WORLD WAR 2. STOP BRINGING THE PAST UP LADS. YOU GUYS WHINED MORE THAN AMISHA PATEL IN THE FINALS.

hayden4.jpg Well yeah. But look at our consis-

gb2.jpg CONSISTENCY CAN KISS MY HAIRY WHITE YORKSHIRE-BRED BUTTOCKS. GO HAVE A LOOK AT GABBA. I THINK YOU’LL STILL FIND M.S DHONI’S PISS ON THE FIELD, MARKING IT AS HIS TERRITORY.

ponting2.jpg That’s just not right!

gb2.jpg I ONCE TOOK A SHIT ON THE GABBA. IN THE 70S UNDER THE LIGHTS. BEST DUMP I EVER HAD.

hayden4.jpg Ouch… easy there ma’ite….

gb2.jpg STOP “MATING ME”.

hayden4.jpg Ok ok.. So what do you think of Symmo?

gb2.jpg THE WHAT.

hayden4.jpg You know, Andrew Symonds.

gb2.jpgOH HE’S GREAT. YOU AND “SYMMO” CAN COPULATE WITH EACH OTHER.

hayden4.jpg What the-?

gb2.jpg HYUK HYUK. I’M FUNNY.

ponting2.jpg*giggles*

gb2.jpg SYMONDS WAS TOO BUSY TRYING TO EITHER FEEL UP CRICKET AUSTRALIA’S BOARD MEMBERS OR A MALE STREAKER ON THE PITCH.

hayden4.jpg well, all the controversy put him under intense pressure –

gb2.jpgI WISH I HAD INTENSE PRESSURE THESE DAYS. IT WOULD DO WONDERS TO MY BOWEL MOVEMENTS.

hayden4.jpg You, sir, are disgusting. Didn’t you once score a double century in a test but get dropped for slow run rate?

gb2.jpg IT WAS AGAINST INDIA. HELL YEA I WAS SLOW AND STEADY. IMPENETRABLE DEFENSE. EVEN WARNIE THE NYMPHOMANIAC WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO PENETRATE IT WITH HIS BAT OR OTHERWISE.

ponting2.jpg*giggles*

gb2.jpg HYUK. THAT WAS FUNNY. SO HOW DID YOUR BOXING MATCH GO? DID HARBHAJAN KNOCK YOUR TESTICLES OUT YET?

hayden4.jpg It was against Ishant Sharma. That tall lad.

gb2.jpg HE LOOKS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN JASON GILLESPE AND ZAYED KHAN. YOU KNOW BOLLYWOOD?HELL I’D LIKE SOME “BOOTY” FROM THERE.

hayden4.jpg I whooped his arse.

gb2.jpg YOU COULDN’T WHOOP HIS POSTERIORS EVEN IF HE HAD HIS WHOLE ANOTOMY CHANGED AND CONSISTED OF ONLY A WALKING , TALKING PAIR OF BUTTOCKS. YOU’RE A LIAR AND A WORTHLESS PIECE OF CRAP. AND YOU SMELL LIKE A WET FUNGAL SOCK.

hayden4.jpg You’re terrible! I’m out of here!

ponting2.jpg Me too! I’m depressed and out of form.
gb2.jpg NO. YOU’RE GAY, AND YOU JUST SUCK . AND I’M A FRIGGIN YORKSHIREMAN , LADS!

 

Posted in Thursday Convo | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Paying Tribute to one of the great movies – Part I

Posted by farkandfunk on December 6, 2007

(I’ll have part II up at some point of time in the future.)

Anyone who has lived through the 80s will have either seen, lived, experienced , or atleast heard of DISCO DANCER. After this phenomenal movie was released, a generation of Indians were classified into simple categories :

1. People who’ve been “Jimmy-ed”

2. People who haven’t

Those who fall in the second category thus spend the rest of their lives trying to get into category 1 on their own, or coerced by their families, friends and enemies alike. Disco Dancer was more than a movie. It was a mantra; a philosophy, a way of life in itself. That is the profound truth.

It depicted a world in which logic , common sense, dressing and eating etiquette , rules of war, method of romance, typical adulation of fan-dom, typical names of characters, common fear, appreciated forms of dance, laws of physics, and much much more of what you believe in, ALL CEASED TO EXIST SIMULTANEOUSLY. This movie operated in a parallel universe, there were no rules. This movie dared us to dream beyond the conventional. This movie gave humankind hope and reason. And most importantly – this movie made us dance. Here are some wonderful tit-bits:

1. The name of the hero of the movie (beloved Mithun) is Anil, who is later given the stage name of Jimmy. Anil?!?! WTF?! Before or after this movie , I’ve never ever encountered “Anil” as the name of a hero in the movie. Don’t get me wrong all you “Anil”s out there. I’ve got nothing against you. But Anil is simply NOT a movie name that inspires romance, fights , affection. It’s what we call squirrels or something as insignificant. And Jimmy as a celebrity name? That’s as canine as it gets. I can almost picture him growing a tail as he dances away into the twilight.

Real world implications: It taught me and millions of others with not-so-cool names that if “Anil” can make it big, SO CAN WE.

2. The rest of the names of the characters in the movie goes like this : Sam, Rita ,Raju, Nikki Brown, David Brown(!!!!), Vasco , International Hit-Man (I’m not kidding) etc. Blame the parents . I mean, anytime you decide to name your kid “International Hit-Man” , you’ve pretty much decided that he’s going to be a bad dude who’s gonna get in trouble with the law growing up.

3. Everyone seems to be suffering from some paralytic neck stroke that Rajesh Khanna has spread. They all shake their heads at 125 vibrations/minute. There’s so much pendulous energy throughout the movie that it makes you feel nauseated. In a strangely twisted way, I think it actually produces some musical notes and it adds to the psychedelic effect.

4. The birth of new musical instruments and ways of creating music. This includes tune-tubes, giant testicular bongos and what not (See attached pictures).

5. Guest Appearance concept – This movie gave birth to the concept of a guest role. Here’s how it goes. You want to go from Point A of the movie to Point B, but you’ve exhausted any plausible explanation. What do you do?Why, Introduce a guest star dammit! That is precisely Rajesh Khanna aka Raju aka The Human Head Vibrator’s role is in this movie. He appears in the first couple of scenes in the movie- feeding little Anil with his hands, teaching him how to make music out of ANY inanimate object and tapping the musical potential in him, and promptly disappears. In the climax scene, he magically re-appears, telling Jimmy to be a Man again, and of course sacrifices himself. Why? I guess we as viewers wouldn’t have managed to digest it if RK had lived on. See attached pictures for a detailed break-up of the climax scenes.

6. Stunning Clothes. If not for this movie and those inspired by this one, the world would never ever have costume parties. The heroine appears in such appalling apparel throughout the movie that one is forced to think that her wardrobe entirely consists of jumpsuits suitable for extra-terrestrial exploration. The children and men in the movie wear such skin tight and high pants that they probably squeeze their balls back into their bodies and push them up to the kidneys.

7. Adoring fans: Jimmy the disco dancer is sure a hit with the ladies and gents of yesteryear. But a closer look makes you wonder what exactly is happening . The way the women scream and the expressions they have on their faces convinces you that they are actually watching Jimmy eat himself on stage. Coupled with that, Jimmy struts his electric guitar and grooves all around the auditorium covering atleast 8 kilometres every concert. I guess the entire audience gets tied up and entangled with what must surely be the longest guitar cord in the universe.

More later. Have a look at the pictures attached, click on them if they aren’t clear enough. Watch the movie.

Strange Musical Instruments:

New and Novel Musical Instruments

Cause and Effect:
Cause and Effect

ET in India:

Guess who!

Karate Kid:

POWWW!

The Physics of the last scene:

Stunning!

Posted in Magestic Movies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

Rules of Road Rage and keeping your options open:

Posted by farkandfunk on October 15, 2007

1. Weave through the traffic like an accomplished bra-tailor and shout obscenities at everyone else in the morning. It gets your system all fired up, adrenaline and testosterone flowing out through your nostrils along with all the phlegm thanks to the pollution. Remember , expressing and venting your anger out on strangers on the road is great. It will help you be more calm with the people you know at work and home.

2.Try not to break the rules on the road. But don’t ever EVER spare the ones who do. Remind them of the rules as you drive by, cutting on the other side of the road. Show them the 2 handed birdie, the middle finger as you past them, with both your hands off the wheel. Don’t worry about the safety of others. They should know how to get out of your way. After all, you’re just reprimanding an evil-doer.

3. Pull alongside the offenders and start laughing hysterically at them. Ask them if they must be really proud and on the verge of stroking themselves for breaking the rule. Remember, laughter is good, especially when you’re laughing at someone else’s face. Start farting at will and follow them up with loud sounds and sighs of relief. Tell them how happy you feel to have shared that rather private moment with someone as incredible as him. However, if the driver has a chick next to him, look horrified and tell him how senseless and utterly disgusting he is. If the chick is hot and remotely sensible, she will not want to be with farty-two-shoes and she might get into your vehicle. Keep your options open.

4. If the driver is a guy and he has his wife/ gf with him, you’ve got him at a perfect time. Tell him how terrible he is at driving and that he learns the rules and how to drive first. Tell him it makes him look really dumb and silly. Guy would get so friggin embarrassed in front of his chick that he’d never do it again. If she’s hot and remotely sensible, there’s even a slight chance that she might walk out of his car and get into yours. Keep your options open.

5. If the driver is a girl/woman and has her bf sitting with her, express surprise at her bf’s ineptitude at not being able to teach her. Sympathize with her situation and tell her its really not her fault , and it’s that cave-dweller’s fault that she’s so fucked up. If she’s hot and remotely sensible, she might kick the guy out of the car and follow you. Keep your options open.

6. Night-time offense- To annoy the driver behind you, start pressing and releasing your brakes to the beat of a timbaland song blaring loud from your system. The brake lights will provide a psychedelic effect like a 70s abba song on the sorry-assed driver’s face behind you. There is a possibility that there might be a hot chick in that car. If she’s hot and remotely sensible, she will actually realize that you are uber-cool and walk out that car and get into yours. Keep your options open.

7. Those Cell-crazy bikers : These guys appear so because of their tendency to drive and magically fit the cellphone between their shoulder and ear as they drive by. They think they have supreme control of their two-wheelers,where as they are actually scaring the shit out with their curvacious projectile on the road. Don’t they just PISS YOU OFF?!?! Pretend that you are Count Dracula himself and stick your head out as you drive along side him and try to take a bite from your his exposed neck. There could be a chick who’s sitting behind him. If she’s hot and remotely sensible, she might feel simultaneously charmed, mystified, scared and shocked by your act- most of which is enough to get drive them crazy. She may get out of the cell-obsessed jerk’s bike and ride with you. Keep your options open.

Sometimes, I sit back at home and ponder on some of the things I do on the road against those deviants. I think I may have lost it. Maybe some chick reads this and finds it amusing. If she’s hot and even remotely sensible, she’ll let me know. I’m keeping my options open.

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Shakespeare in Desi Context – from krishashok’s blog

Posted by farkandfunk on October 10, 2007

Will update more by the end of the day! Damn work! Click on all the pictures for a clear view of them.

1. Play:The Merchant of Venice.

Context :2 of the lead characters, Antonio and Bassanio , had a slightly homoerotic relationship (no, really). Here’s the dialogue in an indian context that really defines it. Read the RIGHT dialogue first, and then the LEFT 🙂

SRK and KJ

2. Play : Macbeth

Context: the 3 witches hailing the “entrance of macbeth” in the style of the old village ladies deep down south with all the noises

macbeth.jpg

3. Play : Romeo & Juliet

Context: Romeo and his cousin Benvolio (being Montagues) see Juliet in the Capulet party. Romeo takes interest in the “forbidden fruit”. Here’s an exchange in the quintessential TR style.

romeoben.jpg

Here’s a rough transalation:

Romeo : Dude, who’s the “figure”(chick)? “Size” is slightly bigger. I’ll keep a bet. I will “set” her .

Benvolio : Dude, you shouldn’t dare. Her whole family has horns. Stop the bet right here. Otherwise her father will screw you where it hurts.

4. Romeo and Juliet again

context: balcony scene , where they’re koochi-kooing- desi style!

rjuliet.jpg

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | 9 Comments »

Aggronomics

Posted by farkandfunk on October 6, 2007

Let me go ahead and say it: I’m not a big fan of this “new-look” Desi team that we have here. Harbhajan and Sreesanth chanting war cries , taunting the opposition , and masquerading about in the field as little hulk-o-maniacs is quite laughable right now. Let’s talk about a aggression on the field :

1. Dravid, in a candid interview, spoke about his opinion about emotions and aggression and how he channelizes it. You can read about it here.

2. Ganguly , with his shirt-swirling at lords, his turning up late for the toss, and fearlessness on the field earned him the public tag of being one of the more emotional and aggressive captains on the field for India.

Now that is aggression. Aggression is getting under the skin and affecting the psyche of the opposition in a not-too-direct and demeaning way. 15 year old kids nowadays can churn out the cream of the crop expletives these days, perform a dumb silk smitha -like body and booty shaking dance, engage in a verbal combat, just to end up looking like sissies when given back the same.

That seems to be the case here. The Indian team chose to stink up the joint with their performances and behavior on the field with the Aussies, and you have to taste your own bitter medicine. Whining about it like a school-girl does NOT help – and that’s what clowns like Harbhajan seem to be doing. It pisses me off when you don’t back up your words with some performances. Talk is cheap.

Word to the team: the T-20 is over. Get over it. Nobody gave it a rats ass till you reached the semis and beat pakistan. The performance was commendable , but let’s see it translate to all forms of the game at a consistent level. There are only 9 (NINE) friggin’ teams that play cricket seriously in this world. India’s cricket-playing population ALONE is probably bigger than that of the current world-champs and a few other teams put together.

Word to selectors/administrators: Stop rewarding individuals for heaven’s sake . Don’t turn them into attention whores.

Word to Sreesanth, Bhajji : Shut the fuck up , and start performing on a consistent basis first.

Crying girl

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Gym Rats and their Ecosystem

Posted by farkandfunk on October 2, 2007

Type Scientific Name Characteristics
Hot chick Rattus superhotietus The R. Superhotietus is equivalent of the queen bee of this ecosystem, dictating its requirements. Its activities are tracked as follows: 10 minutes of chatting up with regulators (gym instructors). 10 minutes of treadmill (5 minutes TV channel change + 5 minutes stroll). 10 minutes of interaction with type mooseumus , during when the decibel levels increase. 15 minutes of cycling , most of which is spent on the telecommunication device with other superhotietus in other ecosystems talking about the mooseumus . Mating Habits: desired by every other species, the superhotietus is in an envious position to pick and choose. But with excessive time spent on the telecommunication device, it is believed that the superhotietus already has a companion and is actually sending mating calls across.
Macho man Rattus Mooseumus A clannish creature, the mooseumus spends the 15 minutes of hi-fiving and stroking the egos of other mooseumus. Being similar in body type, IQ and appearance, it is easy to mistake one mooseumus with another, but each is thus characterized by their own unique marks or tattoos. It spends the next 1.5 hours lifting heavy objects, when it makes a lot of noise. Mooseumus are like velociraptors in this regard, it generally hunts/works out in pairs. Mating Habits: It is possible that the mooseumus might actually be self-sexual, as evidenced by the fact that they spend 30 minutes this time intermittently admiring itself. The mooseumus otherwise shows signs of attraction to the superhotietus. Unfortunately, it is often negated because of the tremendous competition of the mooseumus from within, and it wanders to other habitats to find the same kind.
Rich mid 40s man Rattus Iamsuperfrigginrichis The Iamsuperfrigginrichis (referred to as ISFR from here on) species are a master of camouflage. It makes its way into the ecosystem in formal wear, and magically changes into superhuman clothing immediately. It spends 10 minutes wearing add-ons like wrist bands, head bands and head phones. ISFR spends the next 15 minutes bathing in perfumes from Arabia – thus the smell that emanates from it engulfs the whole ecosystem. ISFR work on each activity for 20 minutes minimum. They are the loudest and they also sweat the most during hard labour amongst all species, often soaking and flooding the equipment they work on. Mating Habits: It is postulated that the ISFR is actually “above” practices such as mating.
Corporate nerd Rattus Nerdophile The Nerdophile is the one of the species that may not belong to this ecosystem. Their ultimate aim is to mutate into one of the superior species in every aspect of life. They’d like the ecosystemic position of the ISFR, the appearance of the mooseumus, and mate with the superhotietus. Sadly, each one of their dreams fall flat on their bespectacled faces. It is a loner, isolated species, more by force than by choice. It spends a total of 1 hour in the gym, of which atleast 20 -30 minutes are spent on watching superhotietus work on its activities. Nerdophiles can be easily identified – characterized by a 2-6 tyer paunch and unsually matched clothing. Mating Habits: The nerdophile isn’t very successful, but it cannot be blamed for not trying. Ultimately, it relies on itself more than anyone else.
40+ housewife Rattus Desperatehousewifus Desperatehousewifus are characterized in appearance by either long Indian ethnic wear with canvas shoes, or skin tight clothing, either way highlighting their overgrown posteriors. DHW have a weakness for bling, and are often spotted with gold around their necks and fingers. DHW spend 50 minutes of their time cycling and running in order to work on their posteriors, but their eating habits might prevent any such progress. They also have a relaxed speed of working, often annoying other faster species who wait for a chance. DHW spend the next 10 minutes on stretching exercises, which often worries the other species and regulators alike. Mating Habits: unknown. It though sends across weak signals towards the mooseumus and regulators. It cautiously step aside the weak advances of the nerdophile.
Kids Rattus EarlyPubertis Earlypubertis is believed to be a primate form of mooseumus or the superhotietus, but with increased IQ. It is often seen to have overgrown body growth, making it look rather grotesque.
Retired Rattus Getalifeus The R. Getalifeus makes rare entries into the habitat, often seeing parallel processing on the cardio-vascular exercises, cycling and reading a novel. It is the most intellectual of the rattus species.

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Sealed with a kiss

Posted by farkandfunk on September 28, 2007

A strange piece of news today.  During an auction ceremony, Ponting was allegedly approached by a “fan(atic)”  who then insisted on planting a kiss on the punter. Apparently the farmer thought that it would be neat idea to get his “fine leg” involved in the proceedings, Ponting got bloody pissed about it and decided to give it a slip. The news quickly spread across the land. Bollywood is reportedly going ga-ga over the implications.  Well folks, it ain’t going to be long before we see this:

 You can run, but you can’t hide “maiite”:

Kiss from a Rose

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Brett’s date with bollywood

Posted by farkandfunk on September 27, 2007

The Aussies have landed. As we all know, Mr. Lee has got a soft spot for Bollywood, and quite fancies himself as a rock-star actor. So what would happen if Brett had been in bollywood? Lets examine.

Brett Hain Na

Brett Hain Na

BrettKara

BrettKara

Karan Brett

Karan and Brett

Hmm…Strange brothers from other mothers.

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