June 1: a historic day for all of humankind

If anyone’s been watching any form of Indian cricket (specifically T20 and domestic), it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to know that L. Balaji (he of the “Ba-la-ji” fame) is no more the potent, deadly, man-eating force he once was.

It’s not his fault really. He was on quite a high, working his way up the regional and national rung with a string of steady, if not spectacular, performances, culminating in to orgasmic levels in the tour of Pakistan in 2004.   An untimely injury in 2005 meant that he was out of contention for a while , and briefly disappeared into oblivion.

Just when we thought we saw the last of him, Balaji was back, though not with a bang. Gone was the free-spirited hippie-tam  ever-smiling soul from the 60s, gone was the run up , and speed.   Balaji would now start off by running at a spot for a few seconds , not quite dissimilar to a steam engine trying to stimulate itself.  The speed and penetration was quite domestic (no pun intended here), and with bowling coach Venky P in the CSK squad (2nd-best -leg- spinner in India in his days), the  deadly “very slower short delivery” came as a welcome variation to his regular  slow short delivery in his vast repertoire .

Keeping all this, and his performances in the 2 IPL seasons gone by , where more often than not, the batsmen would gleefully lap up his offerings like blood sucking mosquitoes,  one would think that it might be tough for Balaji to bowl even relatively quick and full.  If one were to quantify it , it would look like this:

You've gotta be kidding me

Seems about right, right in between aliens landing here and Johnny Lever copulating.

And then, on June 1st , this happens:

Shit just happened.

and his thoughts:

John A - Touched by an angel

Impressed by the shots that he’s playing…  ’nuff said.

I don’t know what to think anymore.

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Paying Tribute to one of the great movies – Part I

(I’ll have part II up at some point of time in the future.)

Anyone who has lived through the 80s will have either seen, lived, experienced , or atleast heard of DISCO DANCER. After this phenomenal movie was released, a generation of Indians were classified into simple categories :

1. People who’ve been “Jimmy-ed”

2. People who haven’t

Those who fall in the second category thus spend the rest of their lives trying to get into category 1 on their own, or coerced by their families, friends and enemies alike. Disco Dancer was more than a movie. It was a mantra; a philosophy, a way of life in itself. That is the profound truth.

It depicted a world in which logic , common sense, dressing and eating etiquette , rules of war, method of romance, typical adulation of fan-dom, typical names of characters, common fear, appreciated forms of dance, laws of physics, and much much more of what you believe in, ALL CEASED TO EXIST SIMULTANEOUSLY. This movie operated in a parallel universe, there were no rules. This movie dared us to dream beyond the conventional. This movie gave humankind hope and reason. And most importantly – this movie made us dance. Here are some wonderful tit-bits:

1. The name of the hero of the movie (beloved Mithun) is Anil, who is later given the stage name of Jimmy. Anil?!?! WTF?! Before or after this movie , I’ve never ever encountered “Anil” as the name of a hero in the movie. Don’t get me wrong all you “Anil”s out there. I’ve got nothing against you. But Anil is simply NOT a movie name that inspires romance, fights , affection. It’s what we call squirrels or something as insignificant. And Jimmy as a celebrity name? That’s as canine as it gets. I can almost picture him growing a tail as he dances away into the twilight.

Real world implications: It taught me and millions of others with not-so-cool names that if “Anil” can make it big, SO CAN WE.

2. The rest of the names of the characters in the movie goes like this : Sam, Rita ,Raju, Nikki Brown, David Brown(!!!!), Vasco , International Hit-Man (I’m not kidding) etc. Blame the parents . I mean, anytime you decide to name your kid “International Hit-Man” , you’ve pretty much decided that he’s going to be a bad dude who’s gonna get in trouble with the law growing up.

3. Everyone seems to be suffering from some paralytic neck stroke that Rajesh Khanna has spread. They all shake their heads at 125 vibrations/minute. There’s so much pendulous energy throughout the movie that it makes you feel nauseated. In a strangely twisted way, I think it actually produces some musical notes and it adds to the psychedelic effect.

4. The birth of new musical instruments and ways of creating music. This includes tune-tubes, giant testicular bongos and what not (See attached pictures).

5. Guest Appearance concept – This movie gave birth to the concept of a guest role. Here’s how it goes. You want to go from Point A of the movie to Point B, but you’ve exhausted any plausible explanation. What do you do?Why, Introduce a guest star dammit! That is precisely Rajesh Khanna aka Raju aka The Human Head Vibrator’s role is in this movie. He appears in the first couple of scenes in the movie- feeding little Anil with his hands, teaching him how to make music out of ANY inanimate object and tapping the musical potential in him, and promptly disappears. In the climax scene, he magically re-appears, telling Jimmy to be a Man again, and of course sacrifices himself. Why? I guess we as viewers wouldn’t have managed to digest it if RK had lived on. See attached pictures for a detailed break-up of the climax scenes.

6. Stunning Clothes. If not for this movie and those inspired by this one, the world would never ever have costume parties. The heroine appears in such appalling apparel throughout the movie that one is forced to think that her wardrobe entirely consists of jumpsuits suitable for extra-terrestrial exploration. The children and men in the movie wear such skin tight and high pants that they probably squeeze their balls back into their bodies and push them up to the kidneys.

7. Adoring fans: Jimmy the disco dancer is sure a hit with the ladies and gents of yesteryear. But a closer look makes you wonder what exactly is happening . The way the women scream and the expressions they have on their faces convinces you that they are actually watching Jimmy eat himself on stage. Coupled with that, Jimmy struts his electric guitar and grooves all around the auditorium covering atleast 8 kilometres every concert. I guess the entire audience gets tied up and entangled with what must surely be the longest guitar cord in the universe.

More later. Have a look at the pictures attached, click on them if they aren’t clear enough. Watch the movie.

Strange Musical Instruments:

Cause and Effect:

ET in India:

Karate Kid:

The Physics of the last scene: