Farkandfunk’s Weblog

Music, Sports, Current Affairs, Humor, and all that shit

Akon wants to have your baby:

Posted by farkandfunk on May 26, 2009

I wanna smack that

I wanna smack that


After a very long lay-off,I thought of getting started in blah-ing away again. Back doing some frustrating stuff, the recession and all that shit.  And thus,I thought, why not spew some horsecrap on the world wide web?!

I’m sure most of us have been through the annual month-long lovefest that is the IPL T20. A gala occasion where cricketers, politicians , actors, businessmen and business-women, and of course, us poor unsuspecting fans get together and collectively jerk off over this pinnacle of ectasy , the mish-mash of sports and entertainment. It’s not the question of whether we like it or not. We cannot escape it. It is now part of our DNA, our annual routine. Just like going to the loo, the IPL T20 is here to stay.

In a zombie-like manner , we’re going to be following it every year, trying to foster some sort of an allegiance to some uninventively named team , hoping that it would give us the much needed conversation breaker that we so badly need when meeting the folks at work the next day (some of whom we’d normally avoid like the 14th century plague).  Be it the  zoo-zoos , the skimpily clad cheerleaders, Sivamani, or the “strategy” break, there’s something in it for everyone.

There as entertainment , no doubt. I must admit that it was interesting in many parts, and of course, unless I’m a fan of one of the regional soaps, I’d probably settle for a sport on TV at 8pm every day.

Quite a lot of moments this time around. The Fakeiplplayer probably takes the cake for some of the best nicknames that anyone could conjour up for the players. In retrospect – it’s just that ONE NAME!! I mean,  I cannot think of Sreesanth as Sreesanth anymore – he is appam chutiya. There are no 2 ways about it. His face, expressions and actions , nay his WHOLE EXISTANCE can only be summarized aptly with those 2 words.

2 simple words! I don’t even know how someone thought of those 2 commonly used words individually in 2 different parts of India, and put them together for this unique being. It is so uniquely beautiful.  I am sure that we are not far away from the day when  a father asks his 10 year old son, “Mone/beta , what do you want to be when you grow up?”   to which the son, with sparkle in his eyes, the nostrils flaring up like a spanish bull , responds,” pa, I want to be an appam chutiya.” , and spreads his hands and runs around the house. It could be you.

The nostrils. Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that his nostrils so friggin huge that they are single handedly capable of creating a vaccum around him, or creating the ultimate cyclone, alternatively upon inhalation or exhalation?   And his celebration of Dhoni’s wicket- well , the less said about it, the better. DUDE, STOP MAKING AN ASS OF YOURSELF REPEATEDLY!

Some other gems found:
1. Virat Kohli –  I know he’s got attitude and all, but the boy takes it a little too far! Dude , stop praising yourself and your contribution in all interviews. Actually, stop giving hte interviews. It’s ridiculous when you find some kid saying how important his contribution of 15 was. We recognize it, so stop trying to suck yourself on national tv.

2. The celeb ladies are really getting a little annoying to watch. Shilpa Shitty aka the mascot of the World Plastic Association, and Priety Zinta – she of the this-is-the-first-time-I-am-watching-cricket-EVER fame being shown time and time again was getting really old by the end. DROP THE ACT.

3. The closing ceremony
It was by far one of the worst performances in the history of bad performances.  A-kon should change his spelling to A-con. The dude was so bad that I’m quite sure even his mom would have turned off the tube, grimacing in pain and agony. They first had a complete mix-up with the pre-recorded song, playing it 3-4 times. Finally when they did show Akon on TV, i thought perhaps it was just an intro song. The poor freak went on to “sing” the same thing.  What we witnessed next was a milli-vanilli part duex in action, except that this clown didn’t even have the talent to lip-sync.  To make matters worse, he decided that he wasn’t close enough to “his people”  , and proceeded to bond with the audience and sing his next song. What then followed was a discourse in “how not to be an asshole when you’re lip-syncing in a concert”.
All that he and his DJ actually did was shout “woah! ho” and other strange noises while the actual recorded song was being played in the background. Conman gamefully tried to get the audience going by saying ” sing along ” and other such words of encouragement.  The eclectic crowd though, were too busy trying to get their Hi’s and hellos to their kith and kin watching the show, and not to mention that it didnt look like anyone there knew the song he was singing.
I thought the nightmare ended there, but boy was I wrong.  The organizers  had a trick or 2 up their sleeves , frequently exposing akon at periodic intervals time. Whether we were drooling at the Miss bollywood contestants, or fantasizing rain dancing with (Her?-I-can) Katrina ,  Akon would spring out of nowhere and shatter those dreams.

Friggin a$$hole – I hate you!

2 Responses to “Akon wants to have your baby:”

  1. YAAY! You’re back! And you’re awesome.

  2. /*Just like going to the loo, the IPL T20 is here to stay*/
    /* pa, I want to be an appam chutiya*/ – Mindblowing!!!

    Now that it is over, I cant wait for real deal – minus DL-effers,beauties, bollywood and the pompous ma-cho men from BCCI/IPL

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: